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About the twelfth year of my age, my father being abroad, my mother reproved me for some misconduct, to which I made an undutiful reply. And The next first-day, as I was with my father returning from meeting, he told me that he understood I had behaved amiss to my mother, and advised me to be more careful in future. I knew myself blamable, and in shame and confusion remained silent. Being thus awakened to a sense of my wickedness, I felt remorse in my mind, and on getting home I retired and prayed to the Lord to forgive me, and I do not remember that I ever afterwards spoke unhandsomely to either of my parents, however foolish in some other things.
我12歲那年,父親出差國外,母親因?yàn)槲业倪^錯(cuò)屢加責(zé)備,我因此也常常頂撞。剛滿玲歲那天,我和開會(huì)歸來的父親待在一起,他告訴我,他知道我對(duì)母親出言不遜,建議我今后做事要更加認(rèn)真小心。我知道自己應(yīng)該受到責(zé)罰羞愧難當(dāng),不知所措,沉默不語。意識(shí)到曾經(jīng)對(duì)母親所做出的種種不敬于了為,我內(nèi)心充滿懊悔,回到家,我縮到一旁,向上帝祈禱,希望得到寬恕;這件事情之后,在我的記憶中,不管我在做其他事情時(shí)怎么愚蠢,但再?zèng)]有以柴鶩小馴的口氣和父親或者母親說話。
Having attained the age of sixteen , I began to love wanton company and though I was preserved from profane language or scandalous conduct, still I perceived a plant in me which produced much wild grapes; my merciful Father did not, however, forsake me utterly, but at times, through his grace, I was brought seriously to consider my ways; and the sight of my backslidings affected me with sorrow, yet for want of rightly attending to the reproofs of instruction, vanity was added to vanity, andrepentance to repentance. Upon the whole, my mind became more and more alienated from the truth, and I hastened toward destruction. While I meditate on the gulf towards which I travelled, and reflect on my youthful disobedience,my heart is affected with sorrow.
16歲的時(shí)候,我開始結(jié)交朋友,與其為伴;雖然我不講臟話,也不做誹謗他人的事。但是我心中仍然有一棵樹苗,結(jié)出了許多野葡萄。然而,我仁慈的父親并沒有徹底地放棄我,他以身為范,而且時(shí)不時(shí)地讓我感知恩賜。我得以嚴(yán)肅地反省自己的種種行徑;一想起自己的態(tài)意妄為,我就滿心悲傷:為了正確而用心地對(duì)待父母的教誨,我的虛榮心日益膨脹,悔意俱增。總之,我的內(nèi)心日益遠(yuǎn)離真理,我很快崩潰了,當(dāng)我在旅游觀光的海灣沉思之際,回想起自己年少時(shí)的叛逆輕狂,悲傷涌上心頭。
Thus time passed on; my heart was replenished with mirth and wantonness, while pleasing scenes of vanity were presented to my imagination, till I attained the age of eighteen years, near which time I felt the judgments of God in my soul, like a consuming fire, and looking over my past life the prospect was moving. I was often sad, and longed to be delivered from those vanities; then again my heart was strongly inclined to them, and there was in me a sore conflict. At times I turned to folly, and then again sorrow and confusion took hold of me. In a while I resolved totally to leave off some of my vanities, but there was a secret reserve in my heart of the more refined part of them, and I was not low enough to find true peace. Thus for some months I had great troubles and Thus quite; there were meany on unsubjected, which rendered my labors fruitless. At length, through the merciful continuance of heavenly visitations, I was made to bow down in spirit before the most time. I remember One evening I had spent some time in reading a pious author, and walking out alone I humbly prayed to the Lord for his help, that I might be delivered from all those vanities which so ensnared me. Thus being brought low, he helped me, and as I learned to bear the cross I felt refreshment to come from his presence, but not keeping in that strength which gave victory I lost ground again, the sense of which greatly affected me. and I sought deserts and lonely places, and there with tears did confess my sins to God and humbly craved his help. And I may say with reverence, he was near to me in my troubles, and in those times of humiliation opened my ear to discipline.
光陰往再,每當(dāng)我幻想著逍遙無度的時(shí)光,內(nèi)心就充滿了歡愉,直到1歲時(shí).我才感到上帝的審判在我心中有如一團(tuán)燃燒的火焰,審視著我過往的歲月,這種景象一直伴隨著我。我常常傷心痛苦,希望從這些虛榮自負(fù)的情境中得以解脫;而我的心則再一次強(qiáng)烈地受到牽引,內(nèi)心充滿了痛苦的情感沖突。有時(shí)我會(huì)干些傻事,悲傷和困惑就會(huì)再次牽絆著我。偶爾,我會(huì)下定決心拋棄虛榮心,但是內(nèi)心有個(gè)隱秘的倉庫,儲(chǔ)存著更多久經(jīng)考驗(yàn)的自負(fù)情緒,我不夠謙卑,無法找尋到真正的祥和寧靜。幾經(jīng)數(shù)月,我面臨重重困難,難以靜心,心中有一股倔強(qiáng)的意志,使得我所有的付出都化作枉然,直到最后,上大禍福不斷,我才得以從精神上屈從于萬能的上帝。我記得有天晚上我花了點(diǎn)時(shí)間閱讀了一位虔誠的作者的作品,之后獨(dú)自漫步庭外,我謙恭地向上帝尋求指點(diǎn),這樣我才能從深受困擾的虛榮心中得以解脫。因此,在我失去財(cái)富與地位時(shí)。上帝幫助了我;在我學(xué)會(huì)背負(fù)苦難時(shí),我感覺在上帝面前獲得重生:但是因?yàn)闆]有保持帶來勝利的力量,我再一次失去了支點(diǎn),這種感覺深深地折磨著我;我要求接受懲罰,井尋找人跡罕至之地,在那里,我淚流滿面地向上帝懺悔自己的種種罪過,卑微地祈求上帝的幫助,F(xiàn)在,我可以滿懷敬意地說,當(dāng)我身陷困境時(shí),上帝就在我身邊,還使我留心在那些遭受羞辱的日子里所接受的教海。
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